Black + Tall + Male = Basketball?

written by Liz Dwyer, Anti-Racist Parent columnist

My seven year-old son is very tall for his age.  He’s been in the 90th percentile for height his whole life.  He’s also African-American.  It seems like in our country, Black + Tall + Male = having to constantly hear, “You better put him in basketball!  He could be the next Kobe Bryant or Michael Jordan.”

Yes, if you’re a tall, African-American boy, you are destined to be a basketball player.

Never mind that he’d rather spend his time at a science center, and never mind that if you ask him what sport he really wants to play, he’ll tell you football because his grandpa works at Notre Dame.

Even though he could have begun playing in our local sports leagues when he was five, I was reluctant to register him because I didn’t want to feed into the stereotype that the only thing of value in an African-American boy is athletic ability.  But, when he turned six he begged to play soccer.  I felt a little like I was putting my own baggage about sports and black males onto him, so I signed him up. 

No one assumed that he knew how to play at all, and the coaches emphasized that the goal was exposure to the sport.  However, I noticed that the performance expectations seemed to be much higher for the Latino boys on his team than it was for him.  One Latina mother explained to me that it was because soccer is so much more popular in Latin America.  She claimed that Latino fathers give their children soccer balls before they can walk.  Clearly, this seemed like questionable stereotyping to me, but I found the sentiment echoed quite frequently by other parents.

When the soccer season came to a close, it only seemed natural to move my son on to the next sport, basketball.  He was assigned to a team and it quickly became clear that he was the tallest kid on it.  He was also the only black child in the entire division.  I can’t begin to tell you how excited his coach was.  “Come on over here!  You’re going to be our rock star.”

I was immediately irritated.  I found myself sitting in the bleachers, watching the first practice and thinking, “That coach only said my son’s a rock star because he thinks that since my boy’s black, he knows how to play.”  The truth of the matter was that up till then, my son had only played basketball a couple of times.  My husband never played competitive sports so it doesn’t come natural to him to toss a basketball or football around every day.  I was a cheerleader, not a basketball player, and quite frankly, his learning to read above grade level has been our top priority, not sports.

The very first game of the season, my son scored three baskets and led his team to victory.  Afterwards, the coach gushed about my son, saying, “He’s really got some natural talent there.” 

I wanted to ask, “What do you mean ‘natural talent’?” but before I knew it, the coach was talking to another parent. 

Even though it feels like black folks are always treated like they’re naturals at sports, dancing, singing, joke-telling and hip-hop, I again asked myself if I was reading too much into such a comment.  Was this coach just being complimentary or did he assume that blackness = basketball like everybody else? 

As the weeks passed, it became clear that my son was not the best shooter on the team.  Making three baskets in the first game was a bit of beginner’s luck.  But, one of his Latino teammates managed to hit 80% of his baskets.  Instead, because of his height, my son became the king of rebounds.  Needless to say, they won every game and my son genuinely enjoyed playing on the team.

This year we were out of town and so we missed soccer registration, but back at the beginning of August, the guy working in the recreation center office made sure to mention that basketball registration would be happening in November. 

Again, I found myself wondering, am I only being told this because the guy behind the desk figures a black kid will like basketball more, or does he genuinely not want my son to miss out? 

It made me realize that this is one of the most insidious things about racism: It takes a psychological toll on you since you constantly have to turn this stuff over in your head.  The vigilance it requires to be sure my son is not being treated in a prejudicial manner gets exhausting.  I don’t like having to wonder whether something I’m told or the way my boy is treated is a symptom of either conscious or subconscious racism. 

Come to think of it, one of the reasons I like my son’s pediatrician so much is that after checking my son’s vision, the doctor said to him that he has such perfect eyesight that he could be an airline pilot.  The doctor never says, “Wow, you’re tall!  You should be a ball player!”  I wish no one else did either.

Liz Dwyer lives in Los Angeles with her husband of eight years, Elarryo Bolden and her two sons, ages six and three. Her great sense of adventure and desire to learn about diverse cultures took her to Guangzhou, China where she taught English to third and fourth graders, picked up some Mandarin, and managed to get into seven bike accidents. Liz taught in Compton, CA for three years and later worked for national education non-profit Teach For America. Liz has written and reflected on the world around her for the past three years at Los Angelista’s Guide to the Pursuit of Happiness. She’s currently freelance writing and working on her first novel.

Image courtesy of Balakov on Flickr

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  1. Stereotyping of Tall Blacks as Basketball Players and Overemphasis on Basketball Among Blacks Hurts Blacks « ClydeOnline on 14 Dec 2008 at 2:25 pm

    […] an article from a black parent who’s son is being hurt by being stereotyped as a basketball […]

Comments

  1. Jody wrote:

    I hear you! This is the most tiring part of racism for us - the fact that you never know just exactly how to explain a comment. Of course, the people making such comments claim complete innocence, so it’s hard to not feel slightly oversensitive…

  2. Rachel wrote:

    I think the most telling part about your piece is the inability to tell why a person makes such a comment. It is unfortunate that we live in a society that would make such comments questionable. My brother, who is white, as am I, was always very tall for his age and was recruited because of his height for his middle school basketball team. Another (white) friend who was extremely tall took to wearing a shirt that said, “no, I don’t play basketball.” It’s also unfortunate that we live in a society where we try to assume so much about people at first glance, whether because of race or other attributes. And, the people you mention who made such comments, may not even know if they made the comment b/c of your son’s race or height or some combination of the two. Or, because he actually is a fine player.

  3. Magi wrote:

    Please don’t think that I’m trying to imply that there isn’t rascism in some of your encounters. I’m already seeing it myself when people assume my Chinese daughter must be smart.

    I just wanted to let you know that it’s about the height, too. My 6′4″ husband heard all through his youth about basketball. He even played on his high school team, badly. To this day, people comment that he must have been a good basketball player. It’s one of those silly things people feel the need to say to tall people - right after how’s the weather up there?

  4. Kandi wrote:

    Well said. It gets exhausting because we’re not allowed to relax and be a human being first.

  5. deesha wrote:

    Great post, Liz! As a mom of girls, I always love getting a glimpse into the world of boys. However, this topic is of course not gender-specific. My almost-10-year-old is taller than average, and we’ve already had one person presume she’ll go out for the school basketball team (she’s at a pre-K thru 12 school). She’s more interested in soccer and lacrosse, though, and like your son, has only played basketball a few times, and never competitively.

    Interestingly, what has concerned me more is when other black girls have given my daughter funny “looks” when they are playing around, having fun dancing. Like her parents, my daughter does not fulfill the stereotype of “black person as a naturally gifted dancer”. As she’s gotten older, she’s become slightly more aware of other girls’ moves, but I try to address it as a dancing thing, not a race thing.

    But it’s hard when “your people” have these expectations of you, and “looks” in elementary school can turn into “you dance like a white girl” later.

    Le sigh.

  6. Kris wrote:

    As a 6′3″ white woman in my mid thirties I’ve been asked this question for the past 30 or so years. I was 5′10″ in 6th grade and I was literally not given the choice about whether or not I’d play basketball. I was at a small school and my parents believe in athletics. Creepy guys still come up to me in the grocery store and try to use the “Do you play basketball?” question as a kind of pick up line. I smile and nod and quickly move on to the baking aisle.

    People do assume that my 6′2″ black husband plays, and he laughs and defers all basketball skill talk to me. He wrestled in high school and played rugby in college. His basketball shot is _ugly_ and our 2 year old son dribbles as well as my husband.

    Our kids are (obviously) likely to be tall, but we plan to let them choose if and what sports they play. Regardless of what they do I know that we’ll have to help them gracefully answer the question “Do you play basketball?” because they’re going to hear it forever.

  7. Delina wrote:

    Great post. I have a one year old and I’m already getting these comments. Because he was a very chunky (breast-fed) baby, we constantly got the linebacker, football player remarks. As if…

  8. Dawn wrote:

    Our daughter has been off the charts since she was 3. Everyone assumed she would be in basketball. The same was said about me, as a child. She plays because she wants to, not because her Dad is a basketball NUT or because she is tall. She is OK, but we is expected to be better. Oh well. She is having fun!! She is 10. While I am sure a part of it is that he is a tall, black, male, I can assure you that to many Tall = Basketball, regardless of gender or race.

  9. Kristen wrote:

    My son gets these comments all the time. When he was a chunky African American toddler, it was the constant linebacker comments. Now that he has leaned out and gotten tall, he gets constant projection about basketball. I do think it has to do with race, and it bothers me. Especially because people are just making assumptions on appearance. My son has many talents but he is extremely uncoordinated and not naturally gifted in sports. I wish people would project some comments about the things he is good at so he doesn’t feel this constant pressure to be a pro-ball player just because he is Black. Maybe he will be an engineer or a doctor or a pastor . . .

  10. Mer wrote:

    Last week I was told my daughter would be an attorney (because she is Asian. )

    My cousin, 6′7″ now, was always asked about being a basketball player. He was a musician.

  11. Mogs wrote:

    i’m a 6′ white girl and i’ve been getting the basketball comments for as long as i can remember. your kid would probably be a presumed “basketball rock star” regardless of his race. it’s just part of being a tall person in America.

  12. deesha wrote:

    Why do people make such comments at all? I think it’s because generally people don’t know how to talk to/spark up a conversation with kids (hint: the same way you do with adults–genuinely!).

    Random comments about future career prospects are as meaningless as the “Is she sleeping through the night? Is she a good sleeper comments?” with newborns. People don’t know what to say, but feel the need to Say Something.

  13. Claudia wrote:

    I really enjoyed reading your post, Liz! I think what is most interesting and honest about your essay is not necessarily that people should be instantly condemned for making these comments (I agree with deesha that people often “feel the need to Say Something”!), but that as a parent of an African-American child, you are constantly on alert. Having to process and reprocess comments that might appear completely “innocent” in another context, are dissected for hidden intent all the time. It’s frustrating and, like Kandi said, exhausting.

    I worry sometimes about the expectations that my daughter’s teachers have for her, as compared to the other white children in her class - is she being sufficiently challenged?

    You’ve given me something to think about….

  14. Derek wrote:

    I see zero racism at all in any of those comments. My 6′ 6″ little brother used to get basketball comments all the time, and our family is severely melanin-deficient.

    That statement about your son having ‘natural talent’ was the coach complimenting him. Maybe he even saw in practice that he didn’t really know what he was doing and was impressed that he scored three baskets.

    If you want to read nefarious motives into what people are saying, if you want to assume that they’re racist, you’ll ALWAYS find something questionable in almost every statement anyone makes.

  15. Liz Dwyer wrote:

    Thanks everybody for weighing in on this. I don’t doubt that there aren’t tall children from other backgrounds who are sometimes told that they should consider basketball, but what I’m thinking about is the overall trend of it. I think in our culture there’s often an overwhelming emphasis on the physicality of black boys and men instead of their intellectual capacities.

    Claudia, you’re so right in saying that I’m not looking for condemnation about these comments, because I’m not. There is definitely an alertness I have as a parent of an African-American boy. When I look at the experiences of my black male siblings, my cousins, my nephews, the children of friends, there is no room for me to not pay attention to the messages being sent my children.

    If you come from other backgrounds, maybe it doesn’t matter as much if you’re told you should be a ball player because that’s not the ONLY thing you’re hearing about yourself from people who are in positions of influence (a doctor, teacher or coach). The things these people say in the presence of my son really do matter.

    I know there are definitely some stereotypes that are put on my son because of what he looks like and I think I’d be foolish to not acknowledge that. I’m not “looking” for racial stereotypes like I’m hunting for a needle in a haystack. I’m sure many of the comments that are made are totally genuine and/or not meant with any malicious intent. However, when I look at the overall trends and the low expectations that are historically set for black children in this nation, I have to weigh what I’m hearing and seeing against that. I do my children a disservice if I don’t.

  16. Steve Marchbank wrote:

    What a great article!

    You definitely brought up quite a few topics there, so I’ll take a crack at a couple of them.

    I think you are correct in the notion that there is an ‘institutional bias’ toward seeing an athletic black child move toward basketball, or toward athletics. Of course we know why these prejudices exist, and I believe that they are incorrect and unfortunate. However, there are many, many layers which go into someone’s bias toward ‘wanting a child to go into basketball’, including familial, regional, generational, racial, socioeconomical and ethnic.

    When I think of this from my own personal context, it gets pretty jumbled. I’m an intelligent white guy, whose parents put a premium on inclusiveness, academics and being socially conscious - but in a very small-town, white, racist Mid-America community. My family’s morals and social ideas (and what I learned and espouse today) were definitely not in lock-step with those around me. So, I was a very bright, talented white kid with very liberal, inclusive/accepting parents in a very racist small-minded town.

    And here’s the rub - it turns out, I was tall, and I just LOVED basketball. So play basketball I did, all through high school and college.

    It turns out that I wasn’t good enough to get big time scholarships or have NBA aspirations, or even use athletic ability to pay for an education. But I was lucky, because I had academic scholarships. But boy, if I HAD been good enough to have a basketball scholarship, you can bet I would have - because I loved it that much. And it wasn’t pushed on me (at all) by my dad or family - I just loved playing and doing it.

    It’s clear (and unfortunate) that many people think black child with athletic ability should just naturally fall into that ‘thing’ as a lifestyle or life pursuit. I think of the Malcolm X passage from his autobiography, when he is clearly intelligent and the president of his 8th grade class, when his teacher encourages him to be a ‘craftsman or someone who works with his hands’, despite Malcolm’s protestations that he could be a lawyer or doctor.

    So, bringing this full-circle…. that is not how _I_ think. I believe children need to be encouraged to flourish in their natural talents, and be encouraged in academic and artistic endeavours of their choosing. We all have our ‘thing’ - and children will find those natural ‘things’ if given the tools. And in the perfect world - and the world in which I’d like to live - this has not a thing to do with color or ethnicity.

    I fully support children using their athletic talents as a vehicle to further academic and/or artistic pursuits - knowing that very, very few of them (us) will ever have the talent to be a Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods.

    And I’ll do the same with my own children. Of course, if I have a boy, and he happens to love basketball as I do, I will be thrilled. If he happens to be great at it, I’ll be even more thrilled. But if it turns out that athletics aren’t his thing, and instead, art is, or music, or physics, then I’ll also be thrilled. Because that is what he was called to do and to love. For me, it was basketball and jazz (and physics and biology, too).

    Is it too bad that someone thinks your child ‘should’ be a basketball player because he is tall and black? You bet it is. But my hope is that we are moving as world to a place where someone’s first thought might be, “hey, he could be a black president who LIKES basketball.” We just elected one of those guys (and I could not be more thrilled about this).

    It is OK to think a child might be good at basketball because they are tall. It is not OK to think that is ALL they can do, especially based on the color of their skin.

    The world is changing, albeit not as quickly as I would like – but it is changing.

    So, as a pediatrician, basketball-loving white guy, that’s my take. And I thank you for the article. :)

  17. Gayatri Sethi wrote:

    This is so insightful.. there are definitely racial and gender “biases” at play here. My experience is that our almost 2 year old who is tall enough to be three and has serious body awareness, seemed to have been born with a ball attached to her foot… and can kick like crazy gets told she will make a great cheer-leader (much to be feminist chagrin)… so how do we counter the pervasiveness of all this ignorance. Surely these comments impact the children hearing them, who are of course all ears, when people say these things…? I suppose we can talk to them about these issues, but what else?

  18. Phillipe wrote:

    Thanks Liz for bringing up what must be an interesting challenging for many parents. Stereotypes can cut both ways and even one’s that appear innocent or even positive are worth questioning. I think that’s all you’re doing here and not reading into anything. That’s my too cents. I know from experience that you don’t even have to be tall as an African American male for people to assume that you must be a good basketball player (my sport was always baseball).

  19. Rey Loo wrote:

    Sounds like normal stuff to me…I mean if you are tall its true that it would make putting a ball in a hoop that much easier…like you would be a great candidate to grab all the stuff on the top high shelf for your short little grand ma…LOL. The big wide strong boys will all be asked to play lineman on football teams, no matter how much they want to quarterback…LOL!
    Now if your kid was tiny and short as a pea and black…and the coach was dropping all these expectations of him being the B-Ball star of the team….then, HOUSTON we have a problem!

  20. Meera Bowman-Johnson wrote:

    Really wonderful essay. There needs to be a term for what Dubois’ double consciousness turns into when one becomes a parent. It really takes on a whole new meaning. Maybe “third eye” or something? LOL

    My best way of dealing with those types of incidents (unless it’s blatant) is to assume that the person is clueless, accept that I’ll never know for sure if it’s racist (or just how racist) and then force myself to move on. It’s hard, though.

    People shouldn’t expect these things not to bother black people or anyone with black children. So this is for Derek:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_Consciousness

  21. Anonymous wrote:

    I think it’s good that your son has an enthusiastic basketball coach who is willing to build him up and compliment him. If you’re going to go into a situation with a chip on your shoulder, though, you’re going to hear what you want to hear, no matter how kind, supportive, and enthusiastic about your child the person in question may be.

    Perhaps some of these comments were made with race subconsciously in the back of the minds of the people saying them, but perhaps your own issues of how your son is going to be perceived are getting in the way of how your son is being perceived.

    My 6′5 (white) “cousin” (son of parent’s best friends) has been asked the question about basketball his entire life. The same holds true for his 6′1 wife, and now his daughter is getting the same questions.

    Not trying to be rude or critical, just throwing something out there for you to think about. I’m sure (sadly) that in some cases, your fears are justified. But if you over analyze everything you’ll make yourself crazy and distance the people around you…

  22. Ari wrote:

    My son is 6′2″ tall and he just turned 13. We hear that comment on a daily basis, and the funny part is he is totally NOT into sports at all. He’s kind of fashion queen.

    I seem to hate it far more than he does, but I suspect that’s because I’ve been aware of racism for the past 50 years, and he thinks people’s intention are more “innocent” than I do.

    I don’t think that people’s intentions are hostile at all, but I do think their are assumptions in our culture that are embedded, and tall and black equals basketball is certainly one of them.

  23. Lisa wrote:

    I also see this as height-specific rather than race-specific. I teach high school English, and we often discuss stereotypes. I have one freshman white boy who’s 6′4″ (and likely to grow taller), and he says he ALWAYS gets the bb comment — he doesn’t play sports at all. The tall girls of all races (at my school at least) always get asked about volleyball. I know everyone gets tired of it. The rest of us average folks are just jealous that tall people (of any race) are closer to the basket (or net) and able to see over most people at the movies, theater, and concerts. ; )

  24. Deesha Philyaw wrote:

    Liz wrote: “However, when I look at the overall trends and the low expectations that are historically set for black children in this nation, I have to weigh what I’m hearing and seeing against that. I do my children a disservice if I don’t.”

    Context, context, context! I think this is an important factor, which, I for one “read” automatically in your initial post, Liz. Thanks for summarizing it again here because I think it encapsulates the charge before those of us who are raising black children.

  25. Ruha Benjamin wrote:

    Black + Tall+ Male = Football Star & Rhodes Scholar

    http://chronicle.com/daily/2008/11/7723n.htm

    YES WE CAN

  26. derek arnold wrote:

    If you are tall, period, you will get stereotyped as a b-ball player no matter what race you are. If I see a woman over 6′, I wonder if she played basketball or volleyball as a youth.

    One comment in this post struck me:
    “It made me realize that this is one of the most insidious things about racism: It takes a psychological toll on you since you constantly have to turn this stuff over in your head. The vigilance it requires to be sure my son is not being treated in a prejudicial manner gets exhausting. I don’t like having to wonder whether something I’m told or the way my boy is treated is a symptom of either conscious or subconscious racism. ”

    It struck me because that’s an everyday thought as a perosn of color in America..

  27. Julie O'Malley wrote:

    Excellent post. Many people seem to want to reassure you that your son’s coach was not being racist, or basing his comments on stereotypical assumptions. But the point you have made is that it doesn’t matter whether this particular coach in this particular case was or was not being racist. The point is that, by virtue of your son’s race, every interaction is permeated with that possibility. And you as a parent are forced into vigilance to ensure that you can counter it if it does appear. And yes, that must be exhausting.

  28. Elton wrote:

    I agree with deesha, who said people often feel the need to make small talk, and in doing so can say pretty dumb stuff that touches on big issues.

    Herding people into categories, particularly, herding children into future careers, is pretty fun and innocuous for people who need their worldviews to be confirmed. All is right with the world when their stereotypes and preconceptions are confirmed.

    “I believe [stereotype about this person] is true.”

    *expected confirmation*

    “I KNEW IT!”

    Unfortunately, we seem to have evolved to prefer the comfort of this sort of non-thought to the reality that people aren’t always as they appear on the surface. People just don’t like to be woken up from their expectations. They can’t handle the truth.

  29. cloudscome wrote:

    As a white woman who has no interest at all in sports but is mother to three sons, two of whom are Black and tall, I really appreciate this essay. The complexity of the issues seems to grow the more I think about it. My six year old is very athletic - tall, slim, muscular and graceful. He loves every sport we’ve explored and does well in them. As it happens I got him in a soccer league where he did really well but missed the basketball sign up where I think he would have done even better. He’s also smart, thoughtful, musical, kind and highly verbal. He hears music in poetry, is an emergent reader and can sink a basket with grace.

    I want him to enjoy sports and do well in them but I don’t want him sucked into the machinery of pro sports where recruiters start looking at sixth graders and young men are expected to burn out by mid-adulthood. I don’t want him to inherit my granola crunchy ignorance of sports culture either to the extent that he can’t even talk to other boys/men about what sport is currently on TV (which is rarely on in our house). I wonder if other Black men/boys will expect him to know more than I’ve given him opportunity to learn.

    I am very aware that I have to figure out the race stuff. I need to develop the double consciousness in a way that is protective and not devouring, if that makes any sense. I need the radar that warns us away from the racism and leaves enough room for my sons to flourish free of it as long as possible. Reading your posts and the discussion following it really helpful so I thank you.

  30. Kristen wrote:

    I appreciate the comments here. I must disagree with some of the posters insinuating that anyone reading race into these comments must be paranoid and looking for racial inequity.

    Of course any tall child will get the occasional basketball comment. But to assume that parents of Black children don’t run into intended or unintended stereotypes is lacking in empathy. I can’t tell you how many times people have commented on my son and how he must be a natural athlete (which he’s not), must have good rythm (which he doesn’t), or how he may be a rap star when he grows up (good Lord I hope not). It gets old.

    I have a white daughter and no one has based her future predictions on athleticism or urban musical giftings. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

  31. Tracy Schrems wrote:

    Can I get an AMEN!!!! We live in a racist world; those of us trying to combat it seem to be facing an uphill battle.

    My son is in a wheelchair with severe developmental disabilities. He’s twelve and until recently was completely unaware of the fact that his skin color is different from the young men at my University (who play basketball as a means for an education) that he refers to as his “brothers.” One of the teachers (yes, TEACHERS) in his school told him they couldn’t be his brothers because they were black and he was white. After a particularly interesting seesion with a black sharpie marker, he declared himself black. (Nothing removes black sharpie marker, by the way) Needless to say, we, my husband and I and his brothers, spent a few hours talking to him that skin color doesn’t matter and it’s what is in his heart that connects them all as brothers. Why people need to differentiate by skin color is beyond me.

  32. ColoradoDan wrote:

    Amen for Obama! Now tall skinny black men can become presidents too! Or go on to being the mayor of a state capital (e.g. Kevin Johnson in Sacramneto, CA).

    Person 1: “My your son is tall, does he play basketball”
    Person 2: “Well, no, the closest thing to sports he’s into is the Academic Decathalon. He’s studying to become president in 2052.”

    or:

    Person 1: “Gosh, he’s tall”
    Person 2: “Yep, and smart too”

    My 6′7″ white brother got the comments too, BTW. Not occasionally, but frequently. Everywhere we went. We, as a family, always looked shocked and then began to wail about our crushed expectations that his career as a jockey could now never carry us into a life of luxury.

    Then he got “fat and strong”. And he got football comments. He told people he was a ballet dancer.

    Then he became a Zen Buddhist monk, and, when not in his “garb” got asked if he “wore his hair short” because he was a bigot or skinhead.

    Then he went on to a career as a masseur, where people always asked about his tattoos and choice of facial hair.

    People are always aware of differences. Sometimes they point them out.

    Sometimes we should be concerned, rightfully. And other times we should just play off their curiosity rather than turning an innocent motive into a “devouring” head trip.

    This is the real skill, no?

    Racism is and isn’t everywhere folks.

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