The Princess Problem: “There’s more than one way of being pretty.” at Anti-Racist Parent - for parents committed to raising children with an anti-racist outlook

The Princess Problem: “There’s more than one way of being pretty.”

by Anti-Racist Parent columnist Deesha Philyaw

As the mother of two girls who do not live under rocks, I have not been able to escape the whole princess thing. A few years back, when my oldest was in kindergarten and my youngest was an infant, I wrote a column (for another site) about how, as I kid, I had embraced media messages that promoted a “white is right” standard of beauty (show of hands: Who else wore the white towel on her head to become Farrah Fawcett’s character on Charlie’s Angels?). I didn’t want my own daughters to go down this path:

…I take a special interest in the media images my children consume, as do most parents I know, regardless of race. I don’t rely on entertainment executives or book authors to affirm or protect my children. That’s my job. But I do seek out age-appropriate books, movies, and other media that reflect the diversity of the world in which we live, with characters who look like us and the people we know and love.

But what about fairytales and the other “classics,” those all-white, generations-old stories and characters that are presumed staples of American cultural literacy, likely to turn up as “Jeopardy” questions? We love “The Sound of Music” and “Mary Poppins”, but quick: Name an American children’s classic featuring a black cast. The good, but depressing “Sounder”?

Should classic stories and movies be avoided then because they tend to feature all-white casts? In our family, we sometimes take a “don’t ask-don’t tell” approach. For example, we simply don’t do princesses. I never told my older daughter, T, about Sleeping Beauty and company, and she never asked about them.

Until this year. Nearly every girl in T’s kindergarten class is infatuated with princesses. I have an aversion to princesses. Actually, I have an aversion to pretty much anything that invites McDonalds or Burger King to stick a related action figure into a kid’s meal. But I find princesses especially grating. I don’t like the helplessness thing, the dependence on a man to feel complete…thing.

Thankfully, T isn’t anywhere near as obsessed with princesses as her peers. With the exception of the “Wonderful World of Disney’s” Cinderella [featuring singer Brandy in the lead role, and Whitney Houston as the fairy godmother], we’ve managed to avoid Disney’s offerings of the I-need-to-be-rescued princess tales…

You see, back then, I was able to write about the princess thing fairly calmly, fairly rationally. These days, when the princess-mafia has my youngest daughter’s preschool on lock? Not so much.

I am so over the whole princess thing. Over it.

I want Cinderella to develop hammertoes from jamming her anatomically-impossible feet into completely impractical glass slippers. I want Belle and her books to go to a library far, far away. I want Sleeping Beauty to keep hitting “snooze.” Here, Snow White…have an apple.

I never want to see anything pink again. Nothing. I want that sheer-iridescent-pink-nightmare of a fairy/princess/angel aisle in Target to go away. Doesn’t it seem to close in on you, surrounding and entangling you as walk deeper in, like an enchanted forest…an enchanted forest of tiaras, veils, glitter, and feathered boas doused in Pepto Bismol?

And it’s not just that one aisle in Target either. How many times have I picked up what seemed like a good, no-frills pair of sneakers, a backpack, a thermos, a nightgown, or a lunch box–only to find the unholy trinity–Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty–stitched to it?

It’s too much. The pink, the heavy, gendered marketing to children, the excessive emphasis on beauty. Call it blasphemy, but I can’t even get too excited about Disney’s much-anticipated black princess, Tiana. She’s still a princess. What’s the big deal about princesses anyway? They earn their titles by birth or marriage. Big whoop. Bah humbug.

All that said, my four-year-old does not know the depth of my grumpiness where princesses are concerned. She does know that I won’t buy the abovementioned products (”Mommy, look! They’ve got THREE princesses on them!” “Yes, sweetie, I see. ” *smile, nod, keep it moving*). Any typical princess stuff she owns, she’s received as a gift, or it was purchased by her father.

Instead of bad-mouthing princesses to the kids, I’ve opted to challenge the system from within: I’ve infiltrated the princess mafia. Didn’t Sun Tzu say, in The Art of War, we should know our enemies?

To wit: We own practically the whole library of what I call “colorized classics”–traditional fairytales illustrated with brown-skinned characters. So when Cinderella meets the prince at the ball, he’s wearing cornrows. Jack, he of beanstalk fame, wears locs just like we do. The damsel-in-distress schtick is still in full effect, but at least the characters won’t leave my kids with the impression that blondes have more fun.

The books are available through Hyperion’s Jump at the Sun imprint. Kudos to Hyperion for not only colorizing these beloved stories, but for also creating a good product in general. Some picture books I’ve come across are heavy on pro-black-affirmation and good intentions, but light on quality–poorly written, not age-appropriate, or otherwise kid-unfriendly.

The Jump at the Sun books have spurred some good discussions at our house about how princesses are most often shown as white, but how, truly, princesses and princes and heroes and heroines can be any color. Instead of blond flowing tresses, they can have braids and gold beads, like Jump in the Sun’s Goldilocks.

Recently, my youngest and I were in public reading one of the Jump in the Sun books. A little girl around the same age (4) wandered over to us, and, started reading along. After about five seconds, she shouted: “THAT’S not Cinderella!” When my babygirl shouted back, “Oh, yes it is!”, I was one proud mama.

As I’ve gone deeper into the princess underworld, I’ve required help from trusted comrades. My friend and fellow writer-mama Christina gives me hope. She writes often about her inner princess, and has blogged recently about two books with heroines we don’t mind worshiping. One such heroine is Zahrah:

In the northern Ooni Kingdom fear of the unknown runs deep, and children born dada are rumored to have special powers. Thirteen year old Zahrah Tsami feels like a normal kid - she grows her own flora computer; has mirrors sewn onto her cloths; and stays clear of the Forbidden Greeny Jungle.

But unlike other kids in the village of Kirki , Zahrah was born with the telling dadalocks. Only her best friend, Dari, isn’t afraid of her - even when something unusual begins happening to her - something that definitely makes her different.

The two friends determine to investigate, edging closer and closer to danger. When Dari’s life is endangered, Zahrah must face her worst fears all by herself, including the very thing that makes her different.

(Zahrah the Windseeker by Nigerian writer, Nnedi Okorafor-Mbachu)

And last week, I stumbled upon something new for my arsenal, in the most ironic of places: Yes, Target.

As I pushed my cart passed the book aisles, a book screamed out at me from the shelves: PINK! But then something else: Brown. And I knew that face! It was Grace from Amazing Grace and Boundless Grace. But why was she wearing a tiara, pearls, and a pink gown? Hadn’t she proved her classmates wrong, in Amazing Grace, when they told her that a black girl couldn’t be Peter Pan? Hadn’t her Nana saved the day the day by taking Grace to a ballet of Romeo and Juliet featuring a Trinidadian female lead? Why, then, was Grace dressed like the enemy?

The book was titled–what else?–Princess Grace. But this was no ordinary princess book. The story was kind of contrived in order for Hoffman to make her Point about princesses, but that aside, this book was downright subversive! Grace likes princesses, the “pink and pretty sort”, but as the story unfolds, she comes to wonder: “But what do princesses do?”

Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes, Grace! This is a question that is long overdue in children’s literature!

Grace and her classmates eventually discover all sorts of princesses, real and imagined. Warrior princess Amina of Nigeria; Pin-Yang of China, who started a women’s army; Princess Noor Inayat Khan of what is now Andhra Pradesh, who was shot and killed by the Germans in Dachau during World War II for being a spy for the French. The kids learn about Cinderellas from Egypt, Cambodia, and the Phillipines. Hoffman also gives a shout out to Nyasha, a Zimbabwean Cinderella featured in John Steptoe’s Mufaro’s Beautiful Daughters.

By the end of the book, Grace is adorned in a princess costume made of Kente cloth from The Gambia, and she has learned that “there’s more than one way of being pretty.”

Amen and amen.

For all my ranting and efforts to bring down the princess mafia, we’ll no doubt catch Tiana in Disney’s “The Princess and the Frog” when it hits theaters next year–if only to deconstruct it over ice cream sundaes afterwards.

Deesha Philyaw is a freelance writer who has written for Essence Magazine, Wondertime Magazine (a Disney publication), and The Washington Post. Deesha holds a B.A. in economics from Yale University and a Master’s degree in teaching. In her pre-mommy, pre-writing life, she was a management consultant, briefly, and then an elementary school teacher. A native of Jacksonville, Florida, Deesha currently lives in Pittsburgh with her two daughters.

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Comments

Margie wrote:

I rise to my feet and applaud your strength in the face of princesses! I was weak - I got sucked in. By five, our daughter had Barbie’s (oh the shame of it) in every princess variety that existed.

But by six, after a year of what has become her passion - sports - interest was waning. By seven the box of princeses was gathering dust.

And by eight we got rid of them. Thank God my daughter had the brains I lacked, and saw those princesses for what they were - a whole lot of nothing.

Thank you for a post that brought back some really good memories of how my daughter defined herself as a child. I sometimes think we miss it when we live it, and it was good to view that time objectively.

Posted 12 May 2008 at 7:14 am ¶
Margie wrote:

I can’t believe that apostrophe - I know better. Barbies, of course.

Posted 12 May 2008 at 7:15 am ¶
Jeff wrote:

Thanks for all the great book recommendations. My daughters aren’t completely obsessed with princesses, but they do enjoy dress-up. A lot. They are more likely to play fairies than princesses, but it happens.

My older daughter starred in her own bed-time stories that I made up for her where she was both Princess Tiyamike of the fairies of West Xylophone or Sheriff of Stickystackyville on planet Stickystacky.

One Princess related project I never took very far was my plan to make baseball card style trading cards for REAL princesses. Since there are monarchs all over the world, Japan, Swaziland, Morocco, Denmark, etc, the diversity would be a positive thing. And like the theme of “Princess Grace” the ‘big hitters’ would be the Princesses who actually do something, working with the UN, engage in development efforts of their country, etc.

Posted 12 May 2008 at 8:16 am ¶
bms2000 wrote:

I’ll respond after I finish thanking God I have boys…

Posted 12 May 2008 at 8:57 am ¶
Lyonside wrote:

>She’s still a princess. What’s the big deal about princesses anyway? They earn their titles by birth or marriage. Big whoop. Bah humbug.

Another option: try to find children’s non-fiction books about QUEENS. Although my kid is too young for it, I see it everywhere and yeah, it grates. I’d rather she remember that princesses can grow up to be corulers, or sometimes just rulers (QEII might be a good starting point - I need to check Amazon…)

An antidote to Disney in general IMO is to bring out a volume of the original Grimms Fairy Tales. OK, so they’re not so much better on the diversity angle, and they’re not for the squeamish or sensitive kid. But for the kid who likes a little goulishness, it can show the Disney storylines for the watered-down blandness that they are (I am STILL a deep fan of the original Cinderella - no godmother, only birds above a mother’s grave; stepsisters cutting off toes to get the shoe to fit; birds blinding the two-faced stepsisters and stepmothers after the wedding… like I said, you gotta know your kid). As your kids get older, it can be a gateway to showing how “fairy tales” were originally folk tales meant for adults too, and how they turned social mores on their heads with wishful and magickal thinking.

Posted 12 May 2008 at 9:40 am ¶
Lisa @ Corporate Bab wrote:

Thank you SO MUCH for introducing us to Princess Grace! What a find!

Posted 12 May 2008 at 11:40 am ¶
Melissa wrote:

You might also consider The Paperbag Princess by Robert Munsch. The suggested ages are 4 to 8. They definitely do not live together “happily ever after”.

Posted 12 May 2008 at 12:49 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

Thanks to everyone for your responses. I am reminded of why I enjoy being part of this community: the opportunity to learn from each others’ experiences and “best practices.”

Lyonside: My daughters will enjoy the birds and the toes being chopped!

Jeff: My girls’ dad is great about stories that feature them. I love your “baseball card” idea.

Margie: Thank you for the reminder–”memories of how my daughter defined herself as a child.” It is truly a fine line between trying to guide our children and letting their childhoods unfold naturally.

Posted 12 May 2008 at 2:06 pm ¶
Shaping Youth wrote:

Great post! Let’s not forget the ol’ “Paper Bag Princess” for lending a helping hand to the subversive kid-lit alternative reading lists. Highly recommend: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Paper_Bag_Princess

At Shaping Youth we cover the ‘pink think’ madness quite a bit since two of our advisory board members are Dr. Sharon Lamb and Dr. Lyn Mikel Brown of Packaging Girlhood.com…

Here’s my post about the toxic bleh of ‘princess fairytale flakes’ that turn milk pink http://www.shapingyouth.org/blog/?p=311
and here’s one about the ‘brown whorses’ of ‘Strutz’ line of toys, and diversity/gender toy depictions http://www.shapingyouth.org/blog/?p=1263
and of course, the worst of all, pink applied as a lethal weapon (Pink Dreams cigarettes, Camel No.9 etc.) to target young women…http://www.shapingyouth.org/blog/?p=304

I’d love to crosspost this on Shaping Youth if you’re game…ping me! (Carmen’s on my advisory board too!) Best, Amy

Posted 12 May 2008 at 2:32 pm ¶
Yvette wrote:

Bravo, Deesha! I am so happy to have a princess fighting ally in you! And I was laughing out loud about that Target aisle–it is pretty oppressive, isn’t it.

Another thing I realized recently about the whole princess thing is that even when the stories can be “colorized” to my liking, they still contain some troubling class narratives within them. This was really made apparent to me recently when I re-watched one of the Jasmine movies with the girls. (They are always “Jasmine” movies, not “Alladin” as far as they are concerned.)

Why is the only way for a man or woman to escape poverty through marrying rich? What happens to all the kin and friends and others who remain outside the palace gates? Why are all the poor folks so happy about rich folks finding love and getting hitched?

Hmm. Doesn’t sound so much like a fairy tale as it does “real life”… LOL

Posted 12 May 2008 at 3:06 pm ¶
Sewere wrote:

Awesome post Deesha.

Mad props for subverting the norm and bringing in stories from Nigeria. I was beaming when you quoted from Okarofor-Mbachu on the Ooni. The Title of the King of Yorubas is known as the Ooni of Ife - the cradle of Yorubas) and dada is the Yoruba word for locks. Not that I, a Yoruba man with locks, am biased in any way

Also, Queen Amina of Zaria was a soldier before she turned 21 and a general in her in her mother’s army by the time she was an adult. Her and other similar stories of Nigerian women defying convention have stuck with me since primary school.

Posted 12 May 2008 at 5:38 pm ¶
S's mom wrote:

This is the book that I wanted to buy because it contains a lot of fairy tales for a low, low price: http://www.amazon.com/First-Book-Fairy-Tales/dp/0756621070/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1210631895&sr=8-2 But then I looked inside it (illustrations are shown from each story), and was surprised that ALL the characters are white. That is so disappointing in this day and age.

Posted 12 May 2008 at 5:43 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

Melissa and Shaping Youth:

I’ve never heard of the Paper Bag Princess. Thanks for the heads up.

Shaping Youth: Thanks for the links, and I’m cool with the cross-post (not sure if you were asking me or Carmen!).

Posted 12 May 2008 at 7:37 pm ¶
Lyonside wrote:

>Why are all the poor folks so happy about rich folks finding love and getting hitched?

Well, to be fair, most of the European “fairy tales” that have latched on to the American psyche are that of a commoner marrying rich/royal (Cinderella, Rupelstiltskin, Snow White and Rose Red, [i.e. the Underdog, or Local Girl Makes Good story]), or a person of privilege falling on hard times, usually through the mechanations of other nobility, (which is historically true) and getting out of the “commoner” situation (think Snow White, Sleeping Beauty/Briar Rose, The Goose Girl.)

There isn’t too much difference between the average fairy tale and the stories we’re fed about (supposedly) real life starlets in the magazines. Or at least their possibly real details are shoehorned into the fairy tale trope.

Posted 12 May 2008 at 7:40 pm ¶
Liza wrote:

Great post, Deesha! As the mother of two girls (ages 4 and 2) I definitely feel this pain. When my older one was born, all-things-pink were banned from our house. No princesses. No frills. Up until age 3, in fact, we dressed her mostly from the boys section of clothing. Then, she went to school. And, we were invaded by Hannah Montana, HSM, etc. She’s not quite obsessed with Barbies and Princesses, thankfully. When we do give in and buy a doll, we only buy the ones that are brown like us.

My younger one - a totally different story. All she wants are dresses, pink, pink and pink. For now, we’re limiting the “pink” to ridiculous things like “pink cats” and “pink dogs” and such. But, she also loves her Princesses. But, we’ll only buy packs of Princesses stickers that include Mulan or Jasmine (which still have problematic themes for me, but at least they’re, again, brown like us!).

I always ride the line between wanting my kids to stay clear of the Princess/Disney images and wanting them to at least have a frame of reference. As you mention in the Art of War reference, “we must know our enemies.” While I don’t purchase the blond/princess dolls, I do think it’s important to for the girls to see them in order to have a frame of reference.

I hope the Tiana one (I haven’t seen the previews yet) is a good one and not just a Disney attempt at making a character brown!

Thanks for this great post!

Posted 12 May 2008 at 9:22 pm ¶
Anna wrote:

I live in Italy and when shopping for a friend’s daughter I found a book on Princesses that featured real Princesses, had their real portaits and the history behind them. This book was only about European princesses hence all white but if someone came up with a similar book about Princesses and Queens of the World it would be wonderful so that kids could learn some world history and see that Princesses and Queens aren’t only white.

I have a son and so he doesn’t much care about Princesses, however are there any black or non-white super heroes ??

Posted 13 May 2008 at 6:53 am ¶
Max wrote:

I’m white. My older kids are white. Thank goodness we have successfully kept Disney princesses, Barbie and Bratz at bay.

I know it might not work for all kids, but we never respond much when they bring all those characters up. Talk about a doll house, baby dolls (in a rainbow of colors), calico critters, etc and suddenly mom and dad are ready to chat and play.

So, I agree with Yvette that color is only a part of the princess problem since I never wanted the princess trinity around either. Well, I say that but I didn’t want my white kiddos thinking Cinder, Snow and Sleepyhead were somehow the alpha princesses because they were white.

Posted 13 May 2008 at 7:50 am ¶
Yvette wrote:

Lyonside, it is still the case, though, that in many of these stories the ending features a celebration in which everyone in the kingdom rejoices in the marriage of the royal couple–whatever their beginnings. Why is this? To me, it is a definite class-based trope having something to do with the idea that “commoners” should look on the good fortune of the rich as part of their own good fortune.

And yes, I agree that this has parallels in modern day life–hence my ending observation LOL. I think about a whole generation of my (now, all deceased) female relatives who would talk about the wealthy people in the daytime “stories” as if they were their closest friends…worrying about their troubles…calling each other to debate about who should hook up with who, etc.

Sure it is “just entertainment” and escapism. But I have recognized how prevalent these kinds of messages are–even in children’s tales. And I have started to worry that they enforce this view that the wealthy are wealthy because they are deserving, and the poor are poor because they do not deserve to be otherwise.

(But that they can find joy in latching onto and living through the lives of the wealthy.)

Posted 13 May 2008 at 8:59 am ¶
Yvette wrote:

Oh. ANd that doesn’t even begin to address the issue of mothers in these tales–or, rather the almost complete absense of mothers along with the evil of stepmothers. Of course, I gobbled up Bruno Bettleheim and Joseph Campbell when I was an education student and teacher, so I know there is likely avery deep need for these stories in our lives.

But I still have a nagging sense about such tales that is largely still not addressed by my attempts to make them more diverse or less traditionally sex-typed.

Posted 13 May 2008 at 9:03 am ¶
Yvette wrote:

One more thing, then I’ll shut up!

Folks looking for an alternative to “princess tales” but who still want traditional folk stories and multiculturalism might want to look into trickster tales. Trickster tales are found in almost every world culture, and the trickster characters are often quite subversive and–to me–a lot more fascinating than princes and princesses. They are also ambiguous in ways (e.g., not always being the “good” guys) that invites more interesting discussions with kids.

Posted 13 May 2008 at 9:54 am ¶
h sofia wrote:

Anna - regarding black superheroes: the most famous ones (that I know of) are Blade, Cyborg, Goliath, the Gravedigger, Amazing Man, Crispus Allen (of Gotham City), Vixen and Prowler. The X-Men had a number of non white heroes, including Bishop, and Cecilia Reyes. Also Nick Fury, head of SHIELD (in the Iron Man comics) has been refashioned as the “Ultimate Nick Fury” and looks an awful lot like Samuel L Jackson, who will be playing him in whatever Iron Man sequel comes down the pipe.

I would really recommend doing a Wikipedia search on black, asian, hispanic, etc. superheroes and comic characters because there are a LOT of them. Of course, there is also anime as a major genre all its own - but I would be cautious with that because sometimes some really racially prejudiced stuff can be found in there at times.

Posted 13 May 2008 at 11:18 am ¶
Lyonside wrote:

>Sure it is “just entertainment” and escapism.\

I NEVER said it was “just entertainment.” In fact, my earlier post talked about the original folk tales. The original volume of Grimms’ Fairy Tales has its share of trickster heros (The Tailor comes to mind first) and other commoners.

I was just trying to point out that the stories are often not just happy wealthy people marrying wealthy -what kind of story would that make?

Now, the Disneyfication of some of these stories tends to either start w/ a de facto princess, or a commoner who does something extraodinary to warrant royal attention - which is problematic and classist, I am not disagreeing.

And I follow you on Cambell - read him in my undergrad, and the old tales are never the same after (or, you know, any story, really).

But I have recognized how prevalent these kinds of messages are–even in children’s tales. And I have started to worry that they enforce this view that the wealthy are wealthy because they are deserving, and the poor are poor because they do not deserve to be otherwise.

Posted 13 May 2008 at 12:30 pm ¶
Lyonside wrote:

Correction: In fact, my earlier post talked about the original folk tales, and how their intent was to use magickal thinking to often help “fish out of water” make their way in the world.

Posted 13 May 2008 at 12:35 pm ¶
Lyonside wrote:

Correction: (my kingdom for an edit button):
>But I have recognized how prevalent these kinds of messages are–even in children’s tales. And I have started to worry that they enforce this view that the wealthy are wealthy because they are deserving, and the poor are poor because they do not deserve to be otherwise.

True - it’s a problem, and it needs correction - mostly I feel through a better broader collection of stories, showing different types of protagonists and actions, giving kids the history and sociology behind the tales (age appropriately), and not letting mass marketing efforts whitewash (no pun) and steal the show and the thunder.

Posted 13 May 2008 at 12:37 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

You guys are amazing! I kept half-expecting someone to wander in and call me a killjoy!

And many thanks again for all the great suggestions and food for thought.

About Disney’s Tiana…there’s been drama and palace intrigue (pun intended!) about this film since the announcement. A “fake” wiki entry that claimed her name was initially Maddy and she was a chambermaid to a rich white girl…and allegedly Disney bowed to pressure (blacks saying Maddy=Mammy), and even the “original” title–The Frog Princess–was supposedly offensive to the French, so it top was changed to “The Princess and the Frog.” Disney of course denies this all, but it’s interesting to me that there would even be this invented controversy.

Posted 13 May 2008 at 12:48 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

Sewere:

You reminded me that I meant to post this link to Nnedi’s site (I feel like I know her!):

http://nnedi.com/

Posted 13 May 2008 at 2:39 pm ¶
bea wrote:

My daughter was really sucked into the princess cult at her former daycare, and residue from that period still litters the bookshelves and floors of her room.

I’m not so bothered by it as I was initially, though. After much discussion with other like-minded parents of both girls and boys, I have come to the conclusion that the more attention (positive or negative) I give to those images, the more power I give them. I do think the guerrilla tactics you mentioned in this article are both cleaver and smart. Thanks so much for the link to the “colored classics” link.

Posted 13 May 2008 at 2:59 pm ¶
Yvette wrote:

Sorry, Lyonside–I did not mean to imply that you said that. I was merely talking to myself by providing my own alternative argument…I do that kinda thing sometimes LOL

Deesha, re: “I kept half-expecting someone to wander in and call me a killjoy!”

Nah! I have never even done Santa Claus with my girls!

Posted 13 May 2008 at 6:34 pm ¶
kathy wrote:

What about introducing toys that boys like, to counteract the pink?

Posted 13 May 2008 at 9:03 pm ¶
chicagomama wrote:

Some other great titles with strong, smart and beautiful characters of color are:

The Talking Eggs by Robert San Souci and Jerry Pinkney

Actually, Robert San Souci is a great author who concentrates on sharing tons of different stories that focus on characters of color. I think you might be interested in lots of his works.

Mufaro’s Beautiful Daughters by John Steptoe is another book my daughters love.

Nina Bonita by Ana Maria Machado is one of my personal favorites. It is a Brazilian book that has been translated into English and the illustrations are gorgeous.

I hope I might have been able to share some new titles and authors you will enjoy.

Posted 13 May 2008 at 9:39 pm ¶
korshi wrote:

Interesting post, Deesha. I’m not a parent or a girl, so I wasn’t really aware of the princess problem, but I can understand why you’d be so pissed off about it.

I hadn’t heard about Princess Tiana before, and I thought I’d throw out my thoughts and see what people thought:

In 1920s New Orleans I’m pretty sure that there weren’t any princesses, and even if there were, young black girls would be more likely to be maids than princesses.

So, is it whitewashing history to hide this fact? Are Disney (and its critics) implying that a story about a black maid isn’t worth telling? A lot of the best fairy tales are about people rising above their circumstances, and the worth of ordinary people, and I think that this fixation people have on royalty is misplaced in the modern world.

On the other hand, is it better to provide black girls with a literal equivalent to the white princesses? But if that’s the case, maybe it would be better to set the story in a time and place where a black princess would be historically accurate, like the medieval empire of Benin, rather than 20s America, which was probably still under Jim Crow.

These are just my unreflected thoughts, so it would be good to hear other people’s opinions.

Posted 14 May 2008 at 6:04 am ¶
bms2000 wrote:

The thing that irks me is the way so many parents (not here, obviously) have just thrown up their hands and decided that so many things are inevitable. If I had a dime for every time someone said “Well, you just can’t keep kids from (watching TV, becoming immersed in Princesses, texting in church, etc. etc.)” I could adopt again.

My boys aren’t obsessed with superheroes/sports teams even though I have been told ‘it’s inevitable once they get to school’. Well, I suppose if you let pop culture raise your kid instead of stepping in and asserting your values, then maybe it is. Not that I am raising them in a bubble, but just as I watch what goes into their mouths, I watch what goes into their brains.

Posted 14 May 2008 at 7:33 am ¶
deesha wrote:

Chicagomama: Thanks for those recommendations!

Korshi: I’ll caveat to say that from what I read, Disney never acknowledged that there was any truth to the Maddy/maid rumor, but we can certainly talk about it theoretically. The points you raise are provocative.

I guess my short answer would be that as this is complete fantasy, the setting and her “occupation” could be just about anything. However, if they are being specific about New Orleans in the 1920s, some degree of reality rears its head. However…since not all black were maids during that era, Tiana wouldn’t *have* to be one to make it historically accurate.

HOWEVER… The typical storybook Cinderella is treated like a lowly maid by her family, and she’s usually white, so obviously the maid “thing” isn’t just a “black” thing. In general, though, it would be perfectly fine with me if we never had to see a black woman or girl portrayed as a maid again. Anywhere.

Stories about black maids are worth telling (depending on how they are told and from whose vantage point), but if Disney is only going to give us one black princess, I can understand grumbling over the fact that that*one* story is about a black maid when there are a plethora of other stories that haven’t been told/told well/told often enough.

About whitewashing history…Disney isn’t exactly known for historical accuracy when it comes to its movies, so if they fudged with Tiana, it wouldn’t be the first time.

Posted 14 May 2008 at 10:26 am ¶
Alan Kellogg wrote:

Don’t underestimate your influence on your children. Yes, they are impacted by what they see in books or hear in stories. But, they are even more affected by how you treat people. You are Mom, and at their age you are the most important person in the world.

By all means tell them stories from around the world. But never let those stories do your work for you as an example and exemplar for your children.

Posted 14 May 2008 at 7:27 pm ¶
Alan Kellogg wrote:

kathy, #29

Been tried, rarely works. Kids work off of instinct. Their instinct says “play with this toy”, they play with that toy. Trust them when they say they’re not interested, it’ll save you some money.

When it comes to play time let your kids take the lead. Your daughter wants to try out the construction set, then you get the construction set. But making kids do something they hate is a sure way to get them to hate it. As witness the hardcore antipathy to Shakespear.

Posted 14 May 2008 at 10:03 pm ¶
Alan Kellogg wrote:

Change “But making kids do something they hate is a sure way to get them to hate it.”

To “But making kids do something they don’t want to is a sure way to get them to hate it.”

Postmodernists be damned, word choice matters.

Posted 14 May 2008 at 10:05 pm ¶
slackermom wrote:

well, unfortunatley i can relate. we have most of those great titles you mentioned, though i will be adding the jump at the sun cinderella… thanks.

i just lost a five year battle to the princess/barbie machine, thanks to a rogue preschool classmate and her mom, who knew better.

my five year old, for her birthday, asked for a princess cake. we discussed why… “because becca and ellie had one”. not my favorite line of reasoning, but it was HER birthday. so we talked about how mama is NOT a disney princess fan and why… not exactly new news to her. but again, it’s her 5th birthday, and it’s just a cake. the evidence will be eaten. i can even bite the head off if i get really frustrated.

so, i give in… but i sway her to mulan or jasmine, who have darker skin (not like hers, but certainly closer than the others). we agree. well, at the cake store, they have four different versions of “pretty as a princess” cakes with ONLY white princesses.. you know, the A team. well, i suddenly hate disney all over again, and though her birthday is the next day, i just can’t do it.

so i come home and tell my then four year old (for one more night) that they didn’t have a mulan or jasmine cake, but they can make a barbie cake with a brown barbie who looks more like her. she looks at me skeptically, but agrees. so i have traded in body image, feminism and racial identity for only having to worry about the first two. she loves her cake, but now, the evidence can’t be eaten… the cake is a skirt around a real barbie.

so, we now own a brown barbie, but i still feel like i won something since it wasn’t a white disney princess. that is, until her party. an un-birthday party… baby loves disco with just ONE friend, with an inter-racial couple for parents, who share and know full well my thoughts on all of these things. so what does she give my daughter? the most plastic, grooming-intensive, piece of crap ,blonde-haired, blue-eyed gigantic, stay around and talk about how pretty she is all day while you highlight her hair and choose the right make up and accessories barbie-headed doll. “i sent my husband out to get it and this is what he came up with,” the mom warned me. it took every bit of restraint i had not to tell her she should send him back.

so now, we have this toy in our house ,that her best friend got her, who the only thing you do is ask everyone how pretty she is and how long her hair is. i feel like this ridiculous doll is counteracting everything i’ve tried to teach her (or not to teach her) for five years, but i know that can’t be true, can it? the second she stops playing with it, i am hiding it, then moving it to the trash. or burning it.

Posted 14 May 2008 at 10:09 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

Oh, slackermom, you had me howling. Starting with the “rogue preschool mom”…

Just know, you would not be the first mom who hid or tossed an unwanted Barbie or similar doll.

I have two related links that I’ll post later.

Posted 15 May 2008 at 10:31 am ¶
Gloria wrote:

Since this group has had great recommendations for colorized fairy tales and other books with characters of color, does anyone have a recommendation for a children’s bible with characters of color? I was shocked by the fact that the children’s bible we have features mostly white characters, with the only characters of color being the “bad” people in the stories. What kind of message does that send?

Posted 16 May 2008 at 11:05 am ¶
deesha wrote:

Gloria:

We love this one:

http://www.amazon.com/Praise-Bible-Enjoying-Goodness-Greatness/dp/1578560373

There’s also one called The Children of Color Storybook Bible:

http://www.amazon.com/Children-Color-Storybook-Bible-Victor/dp/0785258337/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1210971509&sr=1-1

…but we don’t find those stories as engaging/kid-friendly.

Posted 16 May 2008 at 3:59 pm ¶
Julia wrote:

i like the

http://www.amazon.com/Pilgrim-Book-Bible-Stories/dp/0829814876

Posted 17 May 2008 at 12:50 pm ¶
Calif. Mama wrote:

Gloria wrote:
“Since this group has had great recommendations for colorized fairy tales and other books with characters of color, does anyone have a recommendation for a children’s bible with characters of color?”

It’s not the Bible, but I like the text and illustrations in the Creation story of “When the Beginning Began: Stories about God, the Creatures, and Us” by Julius Lester

Posted 18 May 2008 at 11:32 pm ¶
Gloria wrote:

Awesome! Thanks for the great recommendations.

Posted 19 May 2008 at 12:42 pm ¶
Karen wrote:

Chicagomama @#30: I looked at Nina Bonita on Amazon and the cover does look wonderful. The story worries me though: The white rabbit admires the beautiful black-skinned girl, learns something about genetics, and “proceeds to marry a black rabbit and produce a plethora of children of various hues.”

You’ve read the book, and I haven’t, and you like it, so I’m thinking there must be more to it than this simple description implies. Perhaps it doesn’t *really* suggest that it’s good to choose a mate based on skin color so that you can have beautiful brown babies…right? Does it make a difference that the story comes from famously multi-racial Brazil?

Based on the cover and your recommendation, I’m thinking, Get it for my son, but based on the description, I’m thinking, Pass.

Thanks in advance for anything you want to say on this topic.

Posted 19 May 2008 at 3:23 pm ¶
h sofia wrote:

Karen @ #44 - I saw the Nina Bonita book recently at a park’s bookstore in the Seattle area, and found it very interesting. I’m Afro-latina myself, so was excited to see it, but I have to say, I didn’t quite understand it at first. After reading it twice and reflecting on it, I came to the conclusion that … it’s a fairy tale sort of story. And it’s a story about beauty for the dark skinned girls who are told over and over and over again (even in multiracial places like Brazil) that they are not beautiful.

The rabbit marries a dark skinned rabbit because he hopes to have a daughter who looks like Nina Bonita - that is why he wants to know Nina’s “secret.” He and his rabbit mate end up having lots of bunnies - of all different colors, and there is no indication that he doesn’t love them all the same.

The most entertaining part of the book is the reasons Nina Bonita gives to the rabbit for her complexion. They are just so silly! Also, Nina Bonita doesn’t seem to give much thought to her appearance; it is the rabbit who becomes enchanted.

I was really puzzled at first, as the rabbit’s behavior seemed kind of obsessive, but then I recognized that the rabbit is not a human being. He doesn’t act like a human being - that’s probably why his character isn’t a white boy or a white man, but an animal.

It’s actually a sweet and simple story when taken that way.

Posted 19 May 2008 at 10:30 pm ¶
Valerie wrote:

You wore a white towel on my head to emulate Farrah Fawcett in Charlie’s Angels?

I wore my mom’s black slip on my head to emulate Diana Ross! (I’m white.)

(Sometimes I would also be Cher.)

Posted 20 May 2008 at 8:07 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

Hey, Valerie:

Did you know they had a Cher/Barbie back in the day? You would stick a key in her back and turn it to lengthen or shorten her hair.

Posted 21 May 2008 at 7:58 am ¶
Belinda wrote:

I’ve been watching this post since the day it went up (someone immediately alerted me that my daughter’s picture was being used), and I’ve appreciated the good and civil discussion both in the article and the ensuing comments.

I’ve also been struggling with this photo being used…at the time I uploaded it, I neglected to put the “all rights reserved” license on it, so that it would not show up in a Creative Commons search on flickr–which I typically do with images of my daughter. Finally, I decided that the message in the post was too good to quibble about the small image, and that anyone who read it the post would not implicate the child pictured as “part of the problem”–I mean, she’s just a kid, right?

But today, this picture, in all its FULL RESOLUTION glory, is circulating widely through Google Reader, courtesy of The Parent Blogging Roundup, with the caption, “The Princess Problem: The Anti-Racist Parent.”

Yikes. Suddenly, my innocent child is a poster-child for racist mythology, and by implication, racist parenting, and…well, I’m kinda not OK with that. It has nothing to do with the content of this post, which I think is excellent, as are its author’s response to the comments throughout. If the Parent Blog Roundup wasn’t appearing on Google Reader with the image so huge that it literally fills my entire 17″ screen, maybe I’d feel differently. I don’t know. Is this unreasonable? I have some other images that might be appropriate to use, including some of Cinderella’s “wicked” stepmother and “ugly” stepsisters, who, true to Disney form, are NOT blonde and blue-eyed (this is something that my mother pointed out to me throughout my childhood).

I have to say, about my daughter, that she withstood the princess packaging for as long as she was not in preschool–then it was all over. She LOVES “princesses.” She also loves ballerinas, fairies, etc. Turns out, it’s all about the DRESS. The femininity. The other day, when someone called her “a little princess,” she responded, “Princesses aren’t REAL!” That’s a pretty good response, in my book.

I’m not going to be belligerent and demand you replace the image with something else–you didn’t do anything wrong in using it…but maybe I wish you would. Is that wishy-washy enough? I guess you could say I’m a bit non-confrontational.

Posted 23 May 2008 at 9:22 pm ¶
Anonymous wrote:

Mulan, Jasmine, and Pocahontas…not white, and not waiting for a man. As far as a classic Black story, how about Little Black Sambo? I don’t think we need to worry about princesses. I like to make sure my kids are exposed to a large variety of toys, stories and interests. I can already see my 5 year old daughter starting to outgrow princesses. Don’t worry so much!

Posted 27 May 2008 at 3:03 pm ¶
deesha wrote:

Hi, Belinda…

I’m glad you appreciated my post (and your daughter’s a cutie!). I didn’t choose the image, and I don’t believe any of the columnists here do, fwiw. So I can’t respond to your concern “officially.” I’m guessing the moderators will if they haven’t already.

Posted 29 May 2008 at 10:23 pm ¶
Belinda wrote:

Nope, no response at all, outside of yours here.

Posted 02 Jun 2008 at 8:44 pm ¶
Emmy wrote:

Disney princess madness? Wow, am I glad I missed that!

I remember reading a book of adapted fairy tales when I was about seven called Girls to the Rescue–I *think* I remember that some of the stories were set in non-European fantasy worlds, and they were all about girls (sometimes princesses, and sometimes not) saving the day and having adventures. There are also the Royal Diaries, which I think are actually meant for late elementary-ish kids? But they’re fictional diaries of historical princesses (my favorite was Elizabeth I, closely followed by Cleopatra).

Posted 06 Jun 2008 at 8:15 pm ¶
Lyonside wrote:

>As far as a classic Black story, how about Little Black Sambo?

Are you fricking kidding me? If you’re not joking (badly), the history and original content of that story is offensive (and actually targets South Asians - seriously, it’s a Kipling story). Gee, no wonder you’re “Anonymous.”

>Don’t worry so much!

Thank you for playing the “How To Shut Down Discussions Of Racism” game - you get points for trivilizing concerns and telling people that they are worrying needlessly, and that your kid is the emblematic spokeperson for everyone else’s kid, but you lose for missing the opportunity to tell us how there are so many other better concerns in the world, that “worrying” about this doesn’t matter [answer to that concern: it’s called multitasking - discussion of one topic does not mean others are not valid adn important].

Next time, please, continue explaining yourself, and you too can win at attempting to shut down viable discussions about issues you from your position of privilege or assumed/attempted privilege deem unnecessary.

Posted 08 Jun 2008 at 1:28 pm ¶
BCmomtobe wrote:

This may be a little off the anti-racist topic, but for what it’s worth, my Barbies all ended up with crew cuts or baldness. I also put them in Ken’s pants, so much for the princess.

Posted 09 Jun 2008 at 1:34 pm ¶
BCmomtobe wrote:

I am honestly surprised that Anonymous happened upon an antiracist website. There is more to being antiracist than providing a variety of toys, and hoping a child outgrows princesses. This is not about little girls liking princesses, it is about children being inundated by gender stereotypes. It is also about the sheer number of pretty, thin, white princesses compared to the scanty numbers of anyone else. It is also about the proportion of helpless women waiting for rescue compared to competent self-assured characters. Little Black Sambo is a caricature (ie. belittled, stupidified, and otherwise less-than), and not at all conducive to encouraging positive racial self images and role models. Don’t even get me started on the portrayals of any non Caucasians in other ‘classics’.

Posted 10 Jun 2008 at 5:09 pm ¶
Freddie wrote:

Slacker Mom. The problem is that kids have not been firmly taught frim the beginning that toys are only fantasy and not reality. I loved Barbies with blond hair, blue eyes, and white from age twelve. However, include the other different colored hair and skin color. I always knew they were only fantasy like my GI Joes as well as my repkicas of ships and planes. I love them though I never wanted to be a real soldier. I cannot swim. I have a fear of extreme heights. I enjoy the toys of fantasy but not real ones. i judge beauty by inside more than outward appearance. Barbie is nothing but a lifeless toy like all the rest. My role models were my parents. Barbie was just a way for me to play husband and boyfriend with my GI Joes. I’ve collected them for decades without seeing them as anything more than toys.

Posted 27 Jul 2008 at 3:16 am ¶
Karen wrote:

Almost a month later, I am still concerned about Nina Bonita. Out of curiosity, I ordered it for my son. I read it out loud to him at my parents’ house with other family around, not exactly listening but not out of earshot, either.

I was not in my comfort zone with this book. My entire family is white (except for my mother-in-law’s cousins) and we do not talk about race but consider ourselves non-racist. I was not comfortable with one of the early pictures of Nina where her skin was completely black and her lips were quite large and very red. I was also not comfortable with the repeated phrase, “beautiful black skin. ” To me, it felt reductive and somehow too fixated on race. Perhaps this is my white privilege showing, or perhaps it is just that I am not yet an advanced anti-racist. (Perhaps those two are really the same thing.) Regardless, I will probably not read that book out loud in front of anyone again.

Finally, I am still not comfortable with the idea of the rabbit going out and finding a dark-furred rabbit so that they can breed a colorful, “mixed-race” family. It seems to me to be modelling the patronizing idea that babies of color, especially when they are part white, have a special line on cuteness.

I can only assume that I’d be more comfortable with this book if my family and friends included more people of color. I’ve always lived in small towns where the populations were more than 90% white. I am one of the 20% of white Americans who do not claim to have a close personal friend who is African American. That’s part of why I read ARP! I have a friendly acquaintance from Kenya, and another friendly acquaintance whose husband is from Africa, but no one I am so close to that I would ask the favor of their opinion of this book. My minister’s husband is from Sudan…perhaps they would have some insights.

Anyway, I write this after the early-August “I’m glad you’re here” post, and I too am glad ARP is here. Perhaps no one wants to walk me through this, but if anyone does respond to this comment I’ll be glad to read it. Thanks.

Posted 11 Aug 2008 at 4:39 pm ¶
Michelle wrote:

I can see some of the merits of your arguement, but I disagree with parts of it. The whole notion that Princess stories should end with the princess working and being single and happy aren’t really that true to human nature. Our instincts are to pair up and have families-that’s the norm of the human condition. The single, self-supporting women my age that I know are all looking for a man. The women I know who are middle-aged or more and have never been married or had families are generally lonely or regretful. I’m sure that there are women who are happy to be alone, but they aren’t the norm. Fairy tales are there to show us what we wish for, not what we might end up with.

That being said, my favorite Disney “princess” (who was never a princess at all) is Mulan, and my kids know that. We’ve talked about how brave she was, how she loved her father so much, and how the movie is based on a real Chinese legend from 2,000 years ago.

I have never restricted my daughter’s access to Princesses. She is smart and outgoing, with loads of self-confidence. She is eight years old, and loves science and nature. She enjoys reading, and is fascinated by fairies (did you know that Disney has a black fairy?). Her greatest example of what love and marriage looks like comes from her father and I, not the Disney company.

Posted 26 Sep 2008 at 12:55 pm ¶
Daisy wrote:

My favorite princess is Elizabeth from The Paper Bag Princess. She’s feisty.
I may have to find the Princess Grace book for my classroom; it sounds awesome!

Posted 02 Apr 2009 at 4:29 pm ¶