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1. Check out the Asides at Trying to follow on 21 Oct 2007 at 8:14 am

   […] Loving Challenges for Emergent, tips for white parents with adopted children of color, 5 Rules for listening to your spouse’s sermon, 10 Mistakes White People Make When Talking About […]

2. Where Should I Live? « Crafty Mommy on 31 Jan 2008 at 12:55 pm

   […] 11 Tips for White Parents with Adopted Children of Color […]

Comments

1. egypt4 wrote:

   My only quibble is that this seems to be for parents of Asian children. Much of it applies to any children of color being raised by white parents, but not all.

   Specifically:
   1. I would say parents of black children should make sure to move to a community with black people, not just (any) people of color. The suburb with lots of Asian families, for example, isn’t going to cut it for black kids. And the Texas neighborhood with a lot of white and Hispanic families also isn’t the right place for your black child.

   3. For some kids, there can be three cultures. For example, I want my kids to feel comfortable in Ethiopia; amongst Ethiopian-Americans/Ethiopian immigrants in the US (or elsewhere); and amongst African-Americans. These are distinct communities.

   6. This phenomenon of parents claiming their kids’ heritage as their own: I’ve heard about this with APs of Chinese girls. Are other APs doing it too? Frankly, I can’t imagine a white parent saying, “I’m black too now that I’ve adopted Jonnie!”

   I would add this: Understand how we as Americans have benefited from/contributed to the poverty of your child’s country of birth/birth culture. Work to change that.

   In regards to number two, about white privilege: Hear hear! I think there are a lot of (seemingly well-intentioned) white APs who really don’t get this at all. Or they really don’t get that they can’t pass this along to their children of color.

   Posted 01 Oct 2007 at 11:30 am ¶

2. Kathy wrote:

   Should a social worker approve a white family
   who doesn’t live in an approved area?

   Posted 01 Oct 2007 at 8:13 pm ¶

3. DWS wrote:

   Regarding #7, I formed a support group with parents of adopted children and people from a particular region of a country who happen to be oppressed. Some of these people have written articles about the state of affairs in this region and many of the parents have become very uncomfortable.

   My position has been you don’t have to choose sides but you do have a responsibility to educate yourselves and your children once they are old enough to understand. However, there is also a part of me that thinks how can some think they have the right to ignore what may be going on there because it’s uncomfortable?

   Posted 02 Oct 2007 at 10:03 am ¶

4. more cowbell wrote:

   Thanks for posting this — I’d further say that many of these could apply to white parents of biological children of color too. Doesn’t matter which womb that baby started out in, we all need to educate ourselves. I agree w/ the first commenter that the list seems to be geared to parents of Asian children. There are a lot of tips that white parents of African American kids could use. It is critical for white parents to learn about white privilege — I wish I had learned about it before I did, back when my kids were still little. I think in order to be truly effective advocates for the kids, that piece must be there. Nice post.

   Posted 02 Oct 2007 at 1:01 pm ¶

5. Lyonside wrote:

   Really, there’s only ONE item that specifies Asians, and it’s used as an example (3#) - where else are people getting the impression that this is written only for parents of Asian adoptees? Also, the original author has an Asian surname, so given the nature of the ASAP newsletter, I assume s/he is writing from personal experience.

   Posted 02 Oct 2007 at 10:08 pm ¶

6. egypt4 wrote:

   Lyonside, item six also seems to refer to something that happens (I think) more in communities of APs of girls from China. That was actually one of my questions–does this happen elsewhere?

   Posted 03 Oct 2007 at 10:53 am ¶

7. kim wrote:

   egypt4: It happens with White parents of Black, or biracial, children sometimes. (Funny how the Black parent of biracial children never give voice to such.)

   Even when one does not give voice to it, it is often done, within the Black community(ies) from which I hail and have had contact, for/unto the White parent.

   You know the saying, “So and so is an honorary…”

   Posted 03 Oct 2007 at 11:54 am ¶

8. Kathy wrote:

   But what I really want to know is, if a parent doesn’t live in a diverse neighborhood, or
   school, should that parent be approved???

   Posted 03 Oct 2007 at 8:10 pm ¶

9. Patti wrote:

   For #6 I think the phrasing is odd, but I think the sentiment is a good one in the sense that as a parent of a child of a different race/ethnicity than mine I have the responsibility and honor to make that heritage a part of my life, my family life and my childs life. I need to make those connections for my child. So while I do not become my childs heritage, simply parenting this child gives me a unique position to be responsible to that heritage. I am not sure that I am explaining it right or am having the right words? I’ve never heard anyone say that thier child makes them __________, but I have heard that type of sentiment and would hope that the person means it in the sense I have described.
   Good list - lots to think about and also to educate about. Thanks

   Posted 03 Oct 2007 at 9:23 pm ¶

10. luckyfatima wrote:

    hello,

    great tips. i think quite a few of these points could be tips for white parents with dual heritage or mixed children, too.

    Posted 04 Oct 2007 at 12:25 pm ¶

11. Jae Ran wrote:

    Thank you Lyonsisde for your comment in #5 and I will clarify a little for everyone.

    Yes, the article was written by a Korean adult adoptee, but the MN-ASAP newsletter is from Minnesota Support and Preservation - a group that supports all adoptive families (not just transracial or transnational). This particular piece was from a newsletter that featured several other articles including some featuring adult African American transracial adoptees.

    Posted 04 Oct 2007 at 3:24 pm ¶

12. Alex wrote:

    Kathy-

    To answer your question- YES>…By answering this as no that would be the same as saying certain people shouldn’t live in an area because it is not diverse enough.

    Posted 04 Oct 2007 at 4:57 pm ¶

13. SFAP wrote:

    To those who have asked whether certain parents should be approved, I’d like to note that white adoptive parents include those who have been chosen by birth parents of color as well as those “the system” has chosen. Too often in our culture (adoptive and generally) I think we forget that through open, domestic adoption, some multiracial families are being formed by actions birth parents have taken. Although this may be a minority of families, as a white parent of an African American child whose African American birth mother and father selected us, I am often reminded of how many people find it hard to believe that could happen. Families are multiracial for lots of reasons and we should all be committed to exposing our children to multiracial, anti-racist people and communities, no matter where we live.

    Posted 09 Oct 2007 at 10:28 am ¶

14. Laura wrote:

    Those comments do fit children of all ethnicities and races who are members of a diverse family. My daughter was born in India and we have had issues with whites, blacks, and Indians. My daughter is only six and already has had to learn that some people are mean and ignorant. We are an extremely diverse family so until school, different was normal for her. It has been very sad.

    Posted 16 Apr 2008 at 9:25 am ¶

15. Debbie wrote:

    My daughter is from India and had to learn
    that people are mean and ignorant in her
    catholic school from both girls in her class and
    other east indian children attending the school.
    Hardest to understand is rejection from other
    east indian children.

    Posted 19 Oct 2008 at 12:16 pm ¶

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