What do you think?
by ARP Columnist, Jason Sperber
If you surf certain corners of the parentblogosphere, chances are you’ve read, or even participated in, some pretty heated discussions about the intersection of race and parenting. Most parentblogs, however, are the creations of individual writers with individual points of view, with debates in the comments forming between readers who agree with the blogger and those who don’t.
I’m interested in looking at how the issues of race, racism and difference are dealt with, or not, in the world of interactive multi-user parenting sites. How do the cultures and environments of different sites and communities affect the discussion of race issues on websites and discussion boards like BabyCenter, ParentsConnect, Blogging Baby, http://www.mothering.com/discussions, and other topical boards like those dedicated to transracial and intercountry adoption?
So, if you have any stories to share, please e-mail me. Any anecdotal research I receive may be used for a future ARP piece. Thank you in advance!
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Jason Sperber is a former stay-at-home-dad of a 2-year-old daughter (“The Pumpkin”) and the husband of a family physician (“la dra.”) living in California’s Central Valley. He is currently a writer/blogger/online community manager. A former high school social studies teacher, he has a background in ethnic studies and education for social justice. He writes the blog daddy in a strange land and coordinates Rice Daddies, the group blog by Asian American dads. He can be reached at daddyinastrangeland@mac.com.
Carmen Van Kerckhove is co-founder and president of 
AmericanFamily wrote:
This racist post at Blogging Baby was the last straw for me with that site: http://www.bloggingbaby.com/2005/09/25/baltimore-quintuplets-fives-times-the-unusual-baby-names/#comments
The “I can’t be racist because I dated half a dozen Black men” way that it was handled by the original writer was a perfect example of how white people should NOT respond when being accused of doing something racist.
Posted 20 Oct 2006 at 1:34 pm ¶
weigooksaram wrote:
I’ve been involved in a few of these discussions on parenting boards, and it’s hard. On the one hand I think we really need to talk about race openly and honestly, but sometimes people say things that are just appallingly racist, and if you call them on it they get very defensive. Also, people of color are always outnumbered, so often their voices are drowned out in the dialogue. On the other hand, the people saying racist things are the very ones who most need to be a part of the dialogue, so we need to be careful we’re not just preaching to the choir.
What has been most useful for me in learning about race and racism is just reading personal narratives on blogs, like Jen’s post here about Hebrew school or Carol from Bokumbop on her experience as the only Asian kid in her elementary school. Sometimes on discussion boards people get so caught up in defending a particular point of view that they don’t listen, but seeing the world through someone else’s eyes can strip away those defenses.
Posted 20 Oct 2006 at 10:53 pm ¶
mamazilla wrote:
i mentioned in a comment to a different post about how i wished there was a message board or forum attached to this blog.
in my experience with two parenting forums:
1) craigslist - http://forums.chicago.craigslist.org/?forumID=39
2) urbanbaby - http://community.urbanbaby.com/boards/
whenever an issue comes up that even remotely has to do with race two things can happen
1) the whole thread turns into a scene from lord of the flies and you’re called a racist, a sellout, a troll or all of the above.
2) no one responds (maybe because of the above but many times because there aren’t/weren’t enough poc parents to talk to in that forum at that time)
i remember going to urbanbaby and asking if anyone else had the experience of being publicly humiliated and called a sellout in front of my family (something that happened to me at a party with mostly filipinos when i arrived with my husband (who’s white/latino) and child). most of the responders dismissed the situation and me saying things like “get over it” or “don’t worry, interracial relationships are everywhere” or “mixed babies are so beautiful”. i received maybe two responses that were relevant and actually made me feel less alone. after that exchange, i stopped visiting that forum.
i’ve noticed recently on craigslist whenever talk turns to madonna’s transracial adoption. the racial part of transracial adoption itself is glossed over and parents prefer to talk about the money, the resources, the scandal and the celebrity.
honestly, now, when i do visit any forums, i stay away from posting any new threads that have to do with race. because if responders go apesh*t, i don’t have the energy/time to defend myself or my op.
Posted 21 Oct 2006 at 12:31 am ¶
Lyonside wrote:
I’m on Pregnancy Weekly forums occasionally - they bother the heck out of me because they don’t bother to moderate posts (to get rid of the trivial/nonsense/off-topic/chain-meme ones…. otherwise, it’s pretty civil). The forum also allows a mess of pictures, blinking timelines, and such that I personally find distracting…
What was I saying? Anyway… I recently brought up race in a general way - the thread topic was “Who do you hope your baby takes after?” and I brought up the possible genetic phenotypes, the diversity of my spouse and I, and the possibility that there could be some rude/racist comments in our future based on appearance.
My post was followed by about 4-5 other moms posting their kids’ or themselves as a couple, saying that as mixed families, they’ve had some of the same issues, but that’s as far as it went.
I’m tempted to start a mixed-race parenting thread, but I’m not sure how that would go over. The site overall “seems” overwhelmingly white, but of course on the Net that means very little.
Posted 21 Oct 2006 at 8:10 pm ¶
Kim wrote:
Mamazilla, hello.
I wonder what exposure you have had in large groups where your dominant-culture husband is in the minority, and what your expectations of those with whom you seek counsel are.
At a site named ‘urbanbaby,’ I would expect people who are used to living in a truly large, metropolitan area, with a population that reflects a more global citizenry than not. Such people are not phased or dazed by a multi-ethnic/cultural union, and want you to know that the experience does not have to be a thorn of nails.
It really should be no big deal, and if you do a little of the work, you can form conversations with others who may at first display a willful ignorance (hostility and a malignant disregard are different: avoid those groups as social outlets), but can be made to understand how universal, how simple, how natural a family-with-child is. It is everyday regular (that’s also meant for you, Lyonside).
Peace to you.
Posted 30 Oct 2006 at 3:26 am ¶